Last Week

I have not had the chance to update about my last week in Sudan because Ed finally arrived. It was crunch time, so that meant work, work, work. No time to fool around. Occasionally there was some fun, but this week was mainly just the three of us cooped up in our rooms, working on whatever it was that we needed to do.

Reading back on this entry, it seems very disconnected. But I guess that is just me as a science person…I write technically and impersonally, and sometimes, I admit, it doesn’t make sense. But bear with me.

Friday, July 25, 2008
Today we just relaxed. I tried catching up with my blogging, while Emma, Jerome, and George walked to the local bar. At dinner, I met a man who recognized me from the DDR conference. I also met Sister Paula, who is a very lively and fun woman from Italy. She gets a kick out of killing mosquitoes with her bare hands. There was another woman who was talking about gender as a social construction. Women in Sudan do a lot more backbreaking work than the men do. According to Father Vuni, the men only have their spear and axe.

Father Vuni told us this sad story about a village by the eastern side of the upper Blue Nile, which he visited in ’93. The villagers drank and bathed in the same pool of water their animals used. Because it was dirty and infested with parasites, the church wanted to drill boreholes for the village so that the people could access fresh water. But the government refused during this time of war. They did not want the people to associate the gift of the borehole with the church. So the government was basically killing the people of the village by forbidding them to access clean water. They also forbade the people to grow grain, and restricted them to a small plot of land for okra. When Father Vuni visited and told the villagers that Southern Sudan was in a mess from the war, they were so shocked to hear that there were people standing up and fighting against the Arabs—a group they had always believed to be invincible. I don’t know why this story hurt me so much when he told it (he narrated it more eloquently and expressively). I guess I could not believe how incredibly inhumane the Arabs acted back then. I wish it weren’t true, but this trip has only solidified my prejudice towards Arabs. There is no justice for what they have done to these people…even in the present.

Saturday, July 26, 2008
Father Vuni left for England today, but Father Amayo and Father Ben came back from Dubai! I was so happy to see them. George and Jerome went off to pick up Ed and Teddy from Juba, but because our Pajero was completely busted, they had to use Father Vuni’s Land Cruiser.

I finished blogging about Nimule and Kimotong, but the internet was not working. So I sat out with Father Amayo and talked to him about Nimule. Usually people cluster together and build houses close to each other for protection. But in Nimule, the houses are all spread out because it is a peaceful community. Uganda has been a major source for Southern Sudan’s resources because Uganda is politically more stable, has better infrastructure, and has a lot of foreign investment. Also, because it is difficult to get qualified Sudanese for much of the technical jobs in Sudan, many qualified Ugandans and Kenyans come to Sudan and earn a higher salary than they would in their own countries. And then he went on to talk about how this is the hungry period, and how people depend too much on the WFP. If people can receive free food from the WFP, they no longer feel the need to plant their own crops to sustain themselves. So that is why it is smarter to donate seeds rather than food to encourage people to go back to their land. I thought that was a very interesting solution.

Finally by about the evening, Teddy (George’s younger brother) and Ed arrived. George told us that the government has recently demined a landmine they found on the Juba road. Luckily it was a dud mine, but it was still a scary thought to know that we had been driving over a landmine every time we needed to go to Juba. I don’t want to know how many other dud mines there have been on the roads we have traveled on that still haven not been found. George says that the mine may have come out because of erosion. Maybe.

Anyways, they have just set up their mosquito nets and are now settled in. Now that Ed is back, I can imagine this last week will be very busy...and stressful.

Sunday, July 27, 2008
In the morning I decided to go to mass with Father Amayo. I had never gone to mass in Torit, but I went in Juba when Bishop Paride delivered the service. Since this was my last Sunday in Torit, I thought it would be a good idea to attend mass at least once here. So Father Amayo drove us to the Bishop’s compound and parked his Prado. We walked to the nearby church, which was actually just a tall, open-structured building. The people sat outside the structure, under the extended tin roof. There were hundreds of people sitting and standing around the periphery of the church. I walked with Lucy and Willie, the computer guy at the Bishop’s, and stood up behind the crowd. We were at the very edge, and I could not see past the heads of all the people in front of me. But that was fine, since all I wanted to do was hear the mass from where I was standing and draw fewer eyes towards my khawaja self.

But Father Amayo, who wanted me to see the service, called for me to come over to where he was standing on top of the stage, with all the Fathers, in front of the hundreds sitting before us. Their eyes easily followed me as I walked onto the stage, where Father Amayo placed a chair smack down next to the Fathers so that I could face the audience and CLEARLY see the mass. It was pretty intimidating to have all eyes on me, and I sat stiffly in my chair.

The mass was long. About 3 hours. Father Amayo did not speak, but another Father who spoke about how important it is to follow God. To be honest, I liked Bishop’s service more. Maybe I am biased. But part of the reason why it was so long was because there was a wedding going on at the same time. And that was why there were so many more people attending mass this day than usual. I felt completely out of place to be sharing that stage with the bride, groom, and the Fathers. The wedding was simple, with the bride and groom saying their vows and walking around from place to place. I had wanted to see a traditional wedding ever since I came to Africa, but this was the closest I was going to get.

The coolest thing about facing everyone is that I could see all the activities going on in the audience—people clapping, singing wildly, children moving up and down the isle, and the people in the front dancing, moving their colorful hips side to side and slapping their instruments together. I loved seeing it. This had always been my favorite part of church services in Sudan.

After mass, I came back to the compound and Ed and George were busy fixing the internet. I did not want to do anything on this Sunday, so Emma and I just screwed around on our computers and read a little. We didn’t do much until dinner rolled around. Ed wanted to talk about forced disarmament in Sudan with Father Amayo, particularly since he is really afraid that another war will happen because of it. I think he is right. All the violence we have heard about in Southern Sudan is over cattle; people do not fear imprisonment as much as they fear losing their cattle. Tribes like the Taposa will only shoot when people steal their cattle or toy with their women. And now that AK-47s have spread like an infectious disease and nearly all tribes carry them, there will be much violence if the government sends in the SPLA to forcefully disarm these tribes. People would rather listen to their chiefs than to their government.

Monday, July 28, 2008
Father Amayo and Father Ben have left for Nairobi. Africans are always on the move. Today is also Jerome’s birthday, which took me off guard because all along he made us believe it was on Tuesday. So I felt terrible because I had nothing to give him.

It also didn’t help that Ed started to make us busy, giving us no time to hang out and have some quality time with Jerome. He made the three of us write out a list of our accomplishments on this trip and the things we had left to do before leaving. I thought this was only going to make me feel bad about how little we have actually accomplished here, but by the end of the meeting, I was very surprised by how much we had done together. Even if a lot of our work were baby steps, we did things most people are not bold enough to do, like barge into meetings and build strong relationships with big name organizations. Our small team in the Diocese has done a lot considering the circumstances we have been through in Africa, and even if George is not satisfied, the rest of us are. As Ed says, “Everything happens slowly in Africa.”

Afterwards, we went to our respective meetings at the Ministry or SSRRC. Ed and I went to visit Dominic, the Malaria Head at the Ministry. I had not seen him in so long, and I really like the guy. He told us the terrible news that the generator has not been working for the past month in the Ministry. In fact, EPI is storing their vaccines at the local market for refrigeration. And then he made us feel bad because we never told him we distributed 500 nets at Kimotong since we were bypassing the Ministry when NGOs should be working in cooperation with the government. He is completely right. We did not want to be responsible for any duplicated efforts and for any problems that Dominic would have to handle all because we did not notify the Ministry ourselves. I am going to miss Dominic. I hope he does well, and that his face gets out there to the people so that they recognize him for all the work he has done.

Walking out of the Ministry, we ran into Joseph from Kimotong. I was so surprised to meet him in Torit. He said he stopped by for some work, but he wanted to give Emma some garnets that he promised to send over from Kimotong. A little too generous, if you ask me haha. We were supposed to go to Kimotong today to see the result of our distribution, but it was pouring rain and the roads would have been flooded there. I wanted to go though, to see this village and the women one last time. The same village that brought us the Olympic track runner, Lopez Lomong.

We came back to the compound, and the rest of the day was pretty uneventful. At night, Emma and I hung out under the trees and talked to Jerome about his life. He said he wouldn’t lie on his birthday, so I pounced on this opportunity to ask him questions about his life that I wanted him to truthfully answer. But I didn’t get a lot out of him, much to my disappointment.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008
I promised Jerome I would wear an African skirt for him on his birthday (I am pretending today is his birthday because I had believed it all along), but I was too lazy to wear it. So I opted for the pink Indian shirt that he had seen me wear before and liked so much. I promised him that one day, when I become very wealthy or at least have the money, I will buy him a new car. Not a Pajero, but a Land Cruiser maybe. I am also thinking about giving him my Razr phone with the GemTel SIM card because I am supposed to get a new phone once I got back to the States anyways. I am definitely sure that will make him happy.

George, Ed, and I went to the Ministry again and met with the Minister of Health. She expressed her concerns about the need to bring services to the people because impact can only be felt at the grassroots level. But people like to stay in Juba or the County offices, and the Ministry needs operational costs to send out their supplies and services to all the primary health care facilities. But right now, payments are mainly just for staff. But then she showed us more organograms, and afterwards we left.

We went to the Torit County local government office to get a list of chiefs for all the villages. After our distribution in Kimotong, we realized how important it would be to get the chiefs involved with the registration and distribution in each village. But the main guy wasn’t there, so we just headed back to the compound.

And then Ed gets the news that Bishop Paride was in Torit!! OMG, it had been nearly a month since the last time I saw him. I don’t know how many times I nagged Mark on the phone to get the Bishop over here. But Mark did it. The Bishop came. And the Bishop brought a whole troop of Taposa dancers because he was bringing them to perform at the Silver Jubilee in Juba. So he got them to dress up in their traditional clothing, with their goat skin skirts, beaded necklaces and bracelets, nose rings, headbands, and pink shirts (even though traditionally, they are really supposed to be bare-breasted). They smelled a bit like sour milk, and Ed told us later that it was probably from the cattle oil they slather over their skin before performing. I loved their singing and the beats in their voice. I couldn’t understand the language, but I think one of the songs was about Sudan. When the rain started pouring harder, we all huddled under the porch of our compound and the Taposa ladies continued to perform for us. They would jump, twirl, and stomp, while marching up and down the length of the porch. The Bishop would hop with them, and because I love dancing so much, I decided to join the ladies. It was fun. I was hoping that some other people would join, or at least Jerome who always promises to dance with me but never does. But, regardless, it was fun. I got to dance with the Bishop and the Taposa women.

Then Bishop moved towards the dining room and I followed him like a lost puppy. I wanted to be with him for as long as he was in Torit that day. Ed, George, Bishop, and the two Sisters, Sister Santa and Sister Sarah, sat together and talked. Ed stole this opportunity to talk about disarmament with the Bishop. Apparently, this force disarmament situation was still troubling his mind. Bishop explained to us that the government and the soldiers gave these guns to the people in exchange for their cattle whenever they were starving during the war. And so asking the people to give back the guns without compensation, either in the form of cattle or money, was stealing. And asking for the guns back without offering protection from nearby tribes or Kenyans (like the Turkana tribe that is stealing cattle from the Taposa) that have yet to be disarmed was also a mistake. Another option the government can consider is registering the guns.

After our talk, Bishop and his troop had to leave. But he promised to come back before we left Torit, so I was happy. Once they left, Jerome took Emma, Teddy, and me to the market so that we could get the rest of our cloth made into skirts. But once we got there, Jerome had no idea where to take us. He led us through narrow, muddy alleys, trying to find a good tailor, but was unsuccessful. So instead, he led us into a bar where he could get a beer. We watched horrible African music videos (the dancing was lame), but Jerome enjoyed them. All this time we were waiting for the mechanic to finish up on our car. Once that was done, we left and I started compiling research on our ANC distribution for the proposal. Then at night, Emma, Jerome, and I treated ourselves to a movie in Jerome’s tent. We watched Miami Vice, which was ok. The soundtrack is good. But we were nearly sleeping by the end of the movie, no one paid attention to it anyways. So we just left the tent and went to bed.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008
I continued researching on ANC clinics, but during my small breaks in the afternoon, I would sneak away to where Teddy and Jerome were working furiously on the car. The Pajero was in much better shape than ever, and it was capable of driving again. The engine still made some funny noises, so it was not entirely ready to run.

Today was a holiday—John Garang’s death day anniversary. I guess the Sudanese celebrate their heroes’ deaths rather than their birthdays. I can’t believe it has only been 3 years since he has died. Emma arranged a dinner party with Father Andrew, Rex and his family at the Kenyatti Club (named after the nearby river) for the night, so we got ready and drove Father Vuni’s car to meet up with Rex. Jerome used to tell me this was the club where people came to dance, but I did not see any of it when we arrived. It was just an outdoor restaurant, with a TV latched to the main building so that everyone outside could see African music videos. I initially sat in the center of the table, but since I am not in love with Rex the way Emma is, and since Ed wanted to talk more about disarmament with him, I was fairly uncomfortable and managed to switch spots to sit next to Jerome at the very end of the table. Plus, they were going to share a whole platter of beef in the very middle, so I had to move. I ended up eating chapatti and onions the whole night, which was not as terrible as everyone at the table felt for me. Honestly, I expected this before coming to Sudan. It wasn’t a surprise to me that the day had finally come when I could not eat what was offered. The only thing bad about eating chapatti and onions the whole night was that my breath smelt like onions for the next couple of days. But the rest of the night was fine; I just talked to Jerome. This outing was also supposed to be a belated celebration of Jerome’s birthday, but all we could do was buy him some beers. So while Ed, Emma, and George were fawning over Rex and his inflated history, I kept Jerome company. Plus, this beat talking to the census guy who was sitting next to me originally. After he told me the census was coming out in November or December instead of October, I was so disappointed I was happy to move away from him.

We got back and Ed, George, and I continued to do some work. But then at some point I had to escape to where Emma was and get some sleep.

Thursday, July 31, 2008
In the morning, Emma and I decide to go to the market again on our last attempt to find a good tailor in Torit. This time we bring Abby because we realize we can’t trust Jerome to find one. Of course, Abby succeeds. Her friend Ken does tailoring, and we give him our measurements and cloth. He said he would make skirts for us at 10 pounds a piece, which is ridiculously cheap. Abby told us he usually charges 50 pounds or more for a skirt, and she thought that since we were khawajas, he would charge us even more. But that was no the case at all, so we were definitely surprised…and thankful.

Today was really hot, and I stupidly wore jeans in the morning. Because Jerome and Emma have been wanting me to wear the African skirts we got made in Nimule for the longest time and because on this particularly hot day it seemed like a good idea, I wore one. And although it made Jerome very happy, I felt pretty uncomfortable. I wasn’t used to wearing skirts, but I guess it just takes time to get used to it. The rest of the day was pretty much the same. I just kept researching, but now Ed was pressuring me to start drafting something. So to lessen the stress I was feeling, I just took more frequent breaks by the car and watched Teddy and Jerome work on our dear Pajero.

Friday, August 1, 2008
So I start writing my draft of the ANC proposal after all the research I had done. I was so into it, I hardly took any breaks. I finally got up when I heard Joseph, Moses, and our health tech guy, Jack, drive into our compound. I ran outside and greeted them. They were supposed to arrive a long time ago and help us with our project, but they claimed they were delayed because they had other proposals to do. Whatever. At least they had come. But I was disappointed that Emmanuel had not come with them since he promised me in Isoke he would see us before we left this week. But I should know by now that I should never think much of his promises. So I talked to our health team for awhile, and then went off to see what Emma, Jerome, and Iga (Father Vuni’s driver) were doing. They were out by the trees and Emma really wanted to watch a movie, but Jerome refused. Eventually they did, but I continued doing some more work.

Saturday, August 2, 2008
I finally finish writing my draft of the ANC proposal, but I am disappointed because Ed does not read it immediately. He is more interested in the email he gets from Miranda Bryant saying that the 3700 nets I applied for from PSI have finally arrived in Juba. I come out of my work to hear him screaming in joy that the 3700 nets have come. Seriously, the loudest I have ever heard him yell. I should have been more ecstatic about this accomplishment, considering that I had been waiting for a whole month on this notice from PSI. Back in June, our meeting with Miranda at PSI told us that they had nets available from Round 2 Global Fund for any NGO that wanted to apply for them and distribute during this rainy season. She said that she could give at most 5,000 out of the 22,000 nets they had available to one NGO, so I applied for the whole 5,000. These were few of the same nets that were stuck in Mombasa because of UNDP mishaps, and they finally got it out. So I applied for them under CDoT’s name, saying that we were planning to distribute this small number of nets to all our ANC and in-patient facilities. I got a response from Miranda a week later telling me that we got accepted for 3700 nets, which was still good. But because they were still backed up by UNDP and PSF, we did not know when they were coming.

Now after a month of keeping quiet about these nets, I can finally say they have arrived in Juba, en route to Yei. I should have been happier; besides distributing 500 nets to Kimotong, this was our biggest accomplishment yet. But talking to Ed made me realize how much more I had to do now in the few days I had left remaining here in Sudan. I needed to talk to Moses, our CDoT Preventative Health Coordinator, about information regarding our catchment population at each of our health facilities, about quarterly supervision, and about working with the Ministry in giving a few hundred nets to their own government hospital in Torit. In addition, we were already so far into the rainy season, that we had to figure out a distribution plan quickly. Ed was giving me these numbers to calculate in my head, but he was getting so exasperated when I couldn’t figure out what he was saying that I had to leave him alone for awhile. His stress affects everyone else in the room, so I moved outside to where Emma was sitting.

I instead started to finalize the spreadsheet I had been working on for months. I incorporated a Kenyan study, which showed that bed nets reduce childhood mortality by 17%, which is double what we were shooting for. And to cool off even more, I hung out with Jerome by his tent so that I could get away from work.

Then I hear the escalating noise of a car driving into the compound, and when I saw its familiar rainbow peace flag waving above it, I instantly knew who it was—the Bishop! Dude, he couldn’t have come at a more perfect time to lift my mood. He totally succeeded in getting my mind off these nets. He also brought the whole troop of Taposa dancers again, and some goats for us to kill for the night’s dinner. Bishop, though, does not eat meat or drink. I found this out during dinner. The goats were actually for everyone else, mainly for the Taposa. Man, Bishop really is my idol. Can you believe his parents were Muslim? When I took a Fanta soda instead of beer, he told me what FANTA stood for: Foolish Africans Never Take Alcohol. It was pretty funny, and I laughed with him.

Over dinner, Ed wanted to talk to Bishop about net distribution. Disarmament was no longer on his mind, but the 3700 nets were. Bishop told us that when they did mass distribution for radios, it was really chaotic. There would be multiple names for the same person, so oftentimes one person will get 5-10 radios. Also, some chiefs are dishonest and will put more names down during the registration than there actually are in the village, so that is why it is good to have more than one chief located at a distribution site so that they can check on each other and make sure none of them have been lying. Even though I wanted to stay with the Bishop, I wanted to get away from this conversation about nets. So I left the dinner table and went to check what Jerome, Emma, Iga, Mark, and the rest of the Taposa people were doing. It was pouring rain outside, and there were huge puddles about a foot deep into the ground. Jerome and Iga were having a time ordering Emma around to do stuff for the Taposa and the gatekeeper, when it really should have been Lucy’s job. The Taposa wanted more than just goat and ugali; they wanted beans and greens and sauce. I couldn’t blame them, but there wasn’t enough of it for all of them. I sat out by the kitchen and talked with Jerome, Mark, Grace, and Mary (the Bishop’s nieces). I met Abby’s fiancé, Phillip (I think that was the name). Everyone was still active and talking by the time the generator turned off, but the pitch darkness finally forced all of us to retire and leave for bed.

Sunday, August 3, 2008
I woke up at about 7 AM because all the Taposa people were up and I could hear them making noise outside by the car. I thought one of them gestured to me to bring them water in the jar she was holding, but when I led her to the borehole, she waved her arms wildly and made the motion of throwing her jar down. I had no idea what she wanted, but it was obviously not water. Then she gestured as if to say “Forget about it”, and I walked her back to the car. That was a failed attempt on my part.

Emma was already up and by the kitchen because she wanted to make some hot tea for herself. She normally doesn’t sleep well at nights, and today she had a sore throat. We couldn’t get the gas on and the charcoal burning, and Jerome passed by telling her she was useless. I then got mad at him for being so mean to Emma yesterday, and I guess he realized how stupid he was acting because he started to act nice to her the rest of the day.

The Bishop, Mark, Sister Santa and Sister Sarah, and the Taposa were preparing to leave that morning. Bishop needed to drop the Taposa in Narus, so they needed to leave early. I say my final goodbyes to Bishop and take pictures with him.

After he left, it was back to work. Work, work, work. Today was our last full day in Torit, so we needed to get back on it. Ed arranged a meeting with our whole health team, including Moses, Joseph, and Jack. We told them about how far we have gone through our work and what we have to leave behind for them to take on. We got in a discussion about health systems strengthening (HSS) versus home based management (HMM), which I thought was pretty stupid and a waste of time (but I didn’t voice this) because obviously there should be no overlap. We thought HSS would be best in areas like Magwe County, where there are already so many health facilities and a lot of people, especially returnees, do not depend on TBAs. HMM would be best in Kapoeta East County, in a few payams because it already is too big to supervise. There the people are more dependent on their clan structure and local volunteers.

But the most important part of this meeting for me was talking to them about the 3700 nets. I felt guilty for dumping this task on them while we were ready to leave. I almost regretted even applying for the nets because it was already raining very hard and the roads were in its worst condition. Not only did we expect them to send it out soon, but they also had to supervise the net distribution every month for PSI in those hard-to-reach areas of Eastern Equatoria. They also had to look after the government facility in Torit, which may cause additional problems. In the end, Moses will have to deal with any problems that come up because of this, and I felt so sorry for him. I did not want to stretch the Diocese more than it has to, especially when we applied for these nets without first consulting the health team. But Emma pointed out that if they could not handle this small number of nets, how can we depend on them to handle 500,000 if we win the grant from Global Fund Round 7? That was a good point, and it made me feel slightly better.

When Ed and I calculated how long this stock of nets would last for distribution, we figured about 7 months. But then Joseph pointed out that when they distributed nets in Kapoeta hospital, attendance tripled. They delivered 3000 nets in 3 months, which is crazy. But they also gave some to mothers who already had children under the age of 5. The free distribution of nets really does work for behavior change communication, especially in ANC clinics. So this stock of nets might last for a fewer number of months than we had originally thought.

So the meeting was long, partly because I ended up talking the most for my part. I really wanted to hound it in that they gotta look after these nets for me. I wanted them to have all the information necessary to make this run as smoothly as possible for them, partly because I felt partially at fault for burdening them with this job. But then Joseph assured me that they are willing to train and supervise all of Eastern Equatoria because the Diocese works for everyone, not just for its own people. This made me appreciate them even more. I ran outside to where Jerome and Emma were. They were waiting patiently for me because we needed to pick up our skirts at the market, but when we got there, Ken was still not yet done. Also the car fixing took a good hour. Ken told us he would drop by our skirts at the compound when we were at dinner, so we left after the mechanic was done with our car.

I started on another task, which was sorting out all the files into folders we have created in the past two months. So the rest of the night I spent organizing all our documents into a public reference folder and a private CDoT folder that we would leave behind for our health team. This would contain all the work we had done, including all our drafts, mapping, and budget info. By night I am tired. I am also more overwhelmed because Ed finally gets around to reading my ANC proposal, and he tells me that some of the information he told me to write about was wrong after reading the Round 7 proposal a little more carefully. Stuff like we won’t get paid for our refresher courses and that the ACTs were only meant to be for HMM…none for ANC clinics. So that annoyed me because this information took off a chunk of my draft. Somehow we have to get MDTF to fund our ACTs in this round, because the few ones available are coming from Round 2, none of which went to Eastern Equatoria State.

I finish quickly because I can’t think about work anymore. This was my last full day, and I wanted to spend time with the people I will no longer see again. I went with Jerome, Iga, and Emma to drop off Ken at the market. Lucy came along but she was delaying, as usual. I actually got mad at Jerome for bringing her along, since all she wanted to do was buy some wine for herself. So we took about 40 minutes dropping off Ken at the market, and I was evidently in a bad mood. Ed told us to come back quickly, and I really did not want Jerome and Iga to get in trouble. And although Ed did not say anything when we got back, I knew that he was thinking we were being irresponsible.

I joined Emma, Iga, and Jerome by the trees. We talked late into the night, way after the generator went off. A flashlight and a radio playing music kept us company. Eventually we went off to sleep, but it was nice sitting outside under the clear, night sky. I will miss the fireflies and heat lightening here.

Monday, August 4, 2008
So today was the day we were leaving. We were supposed to burn all our documents and load them onto our flashdrives to take home. I tried finding my 5 gig flashdrive that I brought along with me, but could not find it. I think I lost it, and I was pretty depressed for the first part of the morning because I realized that I could have put all my pictures in there without a problem. Now I had to burn CDs for it, which was going to take forever. Plus, the drive was pretty expensive, and I haven’t lost anything so expensive since my TI-83 back in eighth grade. But I called my mom later and she said it was fine, which made me feel better.

Because our shower drain was broken or something, and there was a pool of water stagnant in our small tub, I took a shower outside, by the tents. Man, I wish I knew about these showers before because it seriously had the nicest pressure ever. It almost rivaled Nimule. Too bad I find this out literally the day we are leaving. So I go back and finish packing everything. I cleaned up the whole room, made my bed, and tied up the mosquito net. Gosh, it looked so empty and leaving this compound became so real to me. It became even more real for me when all my documents were done and loaded, and I deleted my user account from my computer. Any trace of “Neesha Mody” was now permanently gone, as if I never touched the computer in the first place. But I did; the light oil marks on the screen and the faded red dots on the cover were there because of me. This precious computer had been mine for the past two months, and the most painful part of leaving it behind was knowing that the next person who uses it will never know the attachment I felt for it and that I was the one who left those marks behind. But at the same time, as I deleted my account, I felt relieved. A huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I no longer had any more obligations to the work here, and I could put it all behind me.

I wanted to see Dominic one last time so that he could have a copy of our reference folder that might come in handy for him at the Ministry. But he was not there, and I felt bad for leaving him without ever saying goodbye. I want him to do well. I want the Ministry to do well. I want him to do all he can to quell malaria. When I came back to the compound, I talked to Moses and Joseph for a long time. I kept apologizing to Moses for the nets, but he rubbed it off. It was fun talking to them, and I thanked them for all that they have done so far for the Diocese.

And then Moses asks me about my life. He asks me where I was born, and I tell him I was born in California. He is surprised because he still doesn’t get why I am not white, which makes me laugh. I finally reveal to him that I am Indian. As I tell him this, I realize that my whole life I had never been exposed to the African culture. While my parents were born in India, I was born in the U.S. and had grown up around East Asians (80% of my high school was Asian, and 40% in Berkeley). I had always believed that besides Asia, I would go to South America first because I had taken Spanish for 4 years in high school and lived in Southern California where it was easy to practice. But here I was in Africa, and of all places, the Sudan. Even Sister Florence was surprised that my first introduction to life in Africa was the Sudan. But I am happy I came. I am in love with the Sudan, with the greenery, with its people. As said my goodbyes to Abby, I started to cry. I had to let it all come out because it was difficult to believe that after 2 months of living here, the time had finally come for me to go. I learned so much and I only hoped for the best for these people. I wish I could just transplant everyone I have met here and bring them to the U.S. I wish I had the money to come back every year. I want to see their faces again, so badly. When Jerome came up to me, he started to tear up and I thought it was the cutest thing ever. This cool guy was shedding tears for us. In my hand I had the SIM card I promised to give him and a note telling him how much I would miss him. I still do.

My feelings lingered when we drove off in Father Vuni’s car, with our luggage behind us, out of the gates of our compound, and for Juba. Ed wanted to talk about the 3700 nets with everyone in the car, especially since Moses joined us on our trip to Juba, but at that point I really just wanted him to be quiet. I wanted to just immerse myself into my thoughts for this whole ride and slowly mend my feelings, so I rarely pitched in during this business conversation. Ed and George talked for most of the time, arguing over whether it was strategic to send out these nets out to Kuron and Nanyangachor, even though the rain was really bad and it would be impossible to send them over there at this point. George, being a little realistic and more levelheaded on this matter, believed we should distribute in those places where we can reach the fastest. But Ed, being the more principled and I guess the more virtuous one, believed we should reach the people of Kapoeta East despite the roads so that we can achieve maximum coverage and save as many people as we can for as long as the rain is pouring. I understand Ed’s concern and desire to do good even though it would be nearly impossible to get the nets up there in time, but I agreed with George. I really do not want to strain the Diocese.

And then they started to talk about how Bill Gates funds things that were previously not paid attention to, like for malaria research (which only NIH did before). He also put in $500 million to the Global Fund, which motivated other governments to put in money and now it is at $19 billion or so. And about how organizations like to send out ACTs after the rainy season so that on their indicators it looks like they never stock out, even though ACTs are desperately needed now. And since PSF is the one doing UNDP’s work and bringing our 3700 nets into the country, they started talking about how good PSF was in doing their work and how MSF (French abbreviations for Doctors without Borders) had it pretty easy because they work in areas where everything is set up and available for them, unlike what we have had to deal with in this system. But as they talked about this and everything else (I tuned out after they started talking about Arnold Schwarzenegger), my mind kept turning up images of the people I was leaving behind. I hope Jerome sneaks the Pajero away and meets us up in Juba.

We arrived in CAFOD, the place next to the Camboni House where we first got internet two months ago. We were staying there this time, and boy it was nice. Something out of the U.S. with a nice American kitchen, dishwashers, and laundry machines. Nice. The rooms were pre-fab structures, and we each had our own room. Unlike the West Nile Lodge, nothing was broken here. We then went to the Sister’s to eat. The Sister’s (Yunice Corner Café) has been doing really well; they got new furniture and lights. It was really nice. I am really going to miss their chicken and chips when we leave Sudan. Jerome called us during dinner, and we passed the phone around to talk to him. You could tell he really missed us. Ed gave him permission to come over to Juba the next day if the Pajero was good enough. I held out my hopes that he would come.

When we got back, I felt so empty alone in my room. It took me a while to sleep, but my mind was too occupied.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Emma was busy typing up her school research project. It was due today, but she still had two more essays to type up. I tried helping her with the religion topic by bringing up examples of the Diocese, but talking to her about the goodness of the Diocese made me cry. I couldn’t believe it. I am so weak. I am just so honored to have been part of an organization that works beyond religious boundaries and that works for everyone equally. I remember Bishop telling me a long time ago that “religion unites”, and I was so confused. But working for the Diocese has made me understand this at a level I cannot even express. It took me a while to get a hold of myself.

Moses wanted to go to the Ministry of Health to talk to the TB Director General about the medicines. We placed an order a month ago, but they still had not arrived. We then went to see the Director General of Pharmacy, Dr. Richard. We met him before, but Ed forgot. He told us that the volume and weight of medicines that goes out to each level of health facility is set, and so it depends on how many facilities a NGO owns. Also, updating a health facility to a different level takes time and we must give a notice about it since we want to update our Kapoeta PHCC into a hospital. He suspects that there are a lot of ghost facilities that are getting medicines when they shouldn’t be, so they need to update their lists. Ed pushed for an emergency reserve of medicines, and Dr. Richard understood. I know that Dr. Richard is a genuinely good guy, and he will do what he can. I trust him to do the job he wants to do.

We then went back and picked up Emma to go eat lunch at the Sister’s again (our favorite place). But guess who surprised us?? I couldn’t stop smiling when Jerome came in and walked towards our table. George and Ed knew he was coming all along, but he wanted to surprise Emma and me.

After lunch, Jerome went with Emma and Teddy back to CAFOD, and Iga dropped Ed, George, Moses, and me at Malaria Consortium for a meeting with Steve if he was there. He wasn’t, so we talked to Ben and Anthony, two people who have direct experiences with net distribution in places like Lafon, Kauto, and Magwe County. At first they used to not do pre-registration, and just distributed 2 nets/household (household=married woman). But when they started using vouchers, their distribution had become very organized. It just took longer and they had to pay their community health workers. They worked with the Carter Center and they used their population data. Then Steve walked in and we joined him in his office. He basically wanted to do a joint proposal with us, but that we should wait until the RFP comes out.

Later we went to meet with Dr. Chris Lewis, whom we met the last time we were in Juba. We wanted to introduce Moses to him. He told us really good news about the health budget for 2009, and things are running smoothly with it. The budget will also be dependent on how many health facilities there were in each state and the payroll. The best news he gave us was that the government wants to give standard incentives for people working in rural NGO health facilities, because most people like to work in the higher paying state-run health facilities, located in the towns. This really made me happy. The government is really working to get their services out to the people. I couldn’t stop smiling after that meeting, and I thought it was a great closure to all the meetings we have had here in Sudan. The only bad news he gave us was that the central government ministry wanted to reopen Normeca Hospital in Kapoeta, which is this tertiary hospital that would cost nearly $500,000/quarter to run. This doesn’t include salaries. But whatever, if it draws more doctors and health care professionals over here, then I guess it is ok. We could do referrals there.

We went back to CAFOD, and Emma tells us she is still not done with her essays. I think Jerome distracted her. So while she was trying to get that done, and while everyone else was taking a short nap, I went outside by the Pajero to see what Iga and Jerome were up to. The rain was pouring madly outside, so I hopped inside the car to talk to them. I am really going to miss this Pajero. We had so many good and bad memories: our first drive to Imilai, and then all the catastrophes that happened after. Haha. I think I am also going to miss it mainly because I associate it so much with Jerome. He told me that he went to visit his half-brother and relatives today, and that Emma and Teddy joined him. I wonder what his relatives are like.

Then Ed and Teddy came over and asked Jerome to drive us to the streets, where Teddy got $100 stolen. In the morning, Ed sent Teddy over to exchange $100 for a good rate in pounds, but the guy took his bill and never gave it back. So Ed wanted to get pictures of the man as a threat in case he was still there. We drive to the market, by a line of small umbrella stands. There are hundreds of honking cars on the street this rainy day, and Jerome parks nearby one of the stands. Teddy, Ed, Iga, and I walk over to where Teddy and Iga exchanged their money. When we walked by the tables, it seriously looked like some underground money dealership. People laid their money all out on the table and counted it up. Then Teddy and Iga pointed to the people they saw that morning, and Ed squats right in front of the table, right in front of the main guy, acting not at all stealthily, and brings his camera up to take pictures. The men stand up when they see him and come up to Ed as if to ask what the hell was going on. Suddenly there was this huge crowd around us, with people all over the market wanting to see what the raucous was all about. A group of school boys surrounding behind me kept pulling my hair, and eventually I told them to cut it out. When I turned around they asked me what tribe I was from, and I gave in. I told them I was from California. They didn’t understand. So I told them I was from the United States. They still didn’t understand. Finally I told them I was from America, and they all lit up and understood exactly what I meant. It was actually pretty funny trying to tell that to them. Meanwhile, Ed was being bombarded with people asking what was wrong, and he tells them that these guys stole his son’s money. Man, it was a scene. Somehow the men Teddy pointed out snuck away somewhere, and we could no longer find them. Eventually we walked away from the place and got back to the car, soaking wet from the rain.

When we got back, Emma was close to being done with her research essays. So we waited about 20 minutes more before we headed out for dinner at the Ethiopian restaurant we had been to the last time we were in Juba. I ordered some tomato lentil sauce (I can’t remember the name) with injera, and everyone else shared their plates. Moses could not take the spiciness. We then dropped off Jerome at his relatives, and drove back to CAFOD.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008
We had to leave Juba today, and hence, leave Sudan. I wore my second African skirt for Jerome on this last day with him because Emma always wears hers and he always complains that I never wear them (which is untrue). It was long and so comfortable for me to wear on the plane. When we finished packing, we drove off for our last meeting with Miranda Bryant. We wanted her to meet Moses since he was going to be responsible for the 3700 nets now. Unfortunately, she was not at PSI because they all went to some meeting at the Ministry. I really wanted to see PSI one last time though, and personally thank Miranda for the nets. Even if they do not commence their mass distribution next year, this amount was enough for me. It would be so cool if one day I come back and work for them, maybe.

Because Ed wanted Jerome to drop off Moses at the CRS meeting, we said our second goodbye to Jerome. I gave Moses all the luck in the world; I really hope he looks after my, the Diocese’s, and Eastern Equatoria’s 3700 nets. And I hope he applies what he learns to the next hundreds of thousands of nets that the team will receive if they write a winning proposal. If only I could be there to help him. I will be watching over him closely, even at school. I will try. Meanwhile I begged Jerome to meet us up at the airport after he dropped off Moses. So I gave him a half-hearted hug, in denial that we were leaving him yet.

Iga dropped us at the Juba Airport, but before he left, Ed had to confirm whether Iga had ever been in the LRA. He was, but he assured Ed that he escaped after 5 years. Ed was still in disbelief that Iga was in the LRA, because that meant Iga has actually killed people. It is kinda crazy to know that one of our drivers had spilt blood on his hands, but he is different now. He may get drunk and act strange sometimes, but he isn't a terrible person and he is pretty intelligent—at least with the car. We then ran into Dr. Richard. He had a solid, packaged box of vaccines next to him, and said they were coming in from WHO. Oh my gosh, it made me so happy to see them. I don’t know what vaccines they were for, but it was good to know that they were coming and that he was doing his job.

Our Visas were expired (they were only for a month), and we never bothered to go through the hassle of renewing them. So they charged us a fee for each person, and held onto our passports for awhile. As we waited to get them back at the gate, Jerome and his good friend Emmanuel (we hung out with him the last time we were in Juba) came by. Dude, I so knew he would. But for some reason, his goodbyes get worse with each time. He said he didn’t want to stay with us and see us leave, even though I begged him in my whiny voice to stay. He patted all of us on the shoulder, laughing, and waved goodbye with Emmanuel. What a horrible goodbye, but I think he didn’t want to see us off because it would have hurt him a lot more. I don’t blame him, but at the same time I wanted to be with him as long as possible. Now that he was gone, it really felt like there was no use staying at the airport. We finally got our passports, and then boarded the plane. As we flew off, for the hour and half flight to Nairobi, we crossed the familiar Nile, the tukuls, and the green fields that I loved so much. I sat next to Emma, and we kept reminiscing. It seemed ridiculous that we were going to leave all this behind and go on a safari for a week, living the high end of life with all the other khawaja tourists who have never seen Africa for what it really is.

As Ed told me, “You have seen the real Africa. Now you are going to see tourist Africa.” Exactly. But I didn’t want to see it. If I could skip the safari and stay here for another week, I would. But time was up, and the trip had already been paid for, so I never could have backed out.

I will miss you, Sudan. I promise I will come back.

-Nous-Nous